Think about the last time you were in a meeting that went well. How did you feel when it was over? Were you pleased with your own contributions? Did everyone have a chance to speak—and be heard? Were group conflicts or disagreements resolved constructively? Did the group arrive at a satisfactory outcome on time? Was the atmosphere relaxed, even if the issues on the table where challenging? If you answered yes to most of these questions, chances are the leader did a great job of facilitating the meeting.

And chances are, too, that facilitator cared about each and every person in the group—and the group as a whole. Caring about other people—and making sure each person is heard and valued—is fundamental to good facilitation. It is also one of the most difficult concepts to explain and help others to integrate into their work.

Over the years I’ve found that my own attitude about a group or particular individuals in a group can significantly influence both the process and outcomes of the meeting. In the early days of my work, I frequently worried well before the meeting that some individuals be “difficult”. I thought they might ask inappropriate questions, take the group off topic, take too long to make their points, argue for the sake of arguing, express negative or cynical attitudes or worse! Often with great anxiety, I would prepare for the meeting with an eye on those one or two people who I thought could be “trouble.” I could work myself up into quite a state, so much so that when the meeting actually began, I’d find myself focused more those individuals than anyone else. By the end of the meeting, I was utterly exhausted and I often felt people left the room dissatisfied, even if the group had achieved a useful outcome.

Then one day, I saw my friend and colleague, Jack, run a meeting. Almost effortlessly, Jack took us through the agenda, making sure everyone had a chance to speak, looking at each person with kindness when they spoke, summarizing as we went along, offering supportive comments to give us a mental break when the going got tough, smiling when we arrived at consensus and thanking each person, no matter how intelligible or otherwise their contributions! I’d never seen anything quite like it—nor had I ever left a meeting feeling so personally empowered to do my work after the meeting!

Later, when I asked Jack how he’d “learned” to facilitate like that, he simply smiled and said, “What’s to learn? I love people. I look at them and know we all want the same things: we don’t want to have our time wasted sitting in boring meetings. We want to be liked. We want to be valued. And especially in a meeting, we want to be respected. We also want to have fun, if given half a chance! I just do what comes naturally.” He made it sound so, so easy. I asked him how he dealt with “difficult” people. He threw his head back and just laughed, “Hey, we’re all difficult at one time or another! That’s human nature too. You just gotta accept it and go with the flow! There is always a way to find value in what people say.”

What a concept: that every contribution to a meeting has value!

Certainly that conversation was one of the most important of my career. Like Jack, I shared a passion for other people, but in those early days I realized that I’d sometimes let my concerns override my sense of caring—and my joy of working with others. In some ways, I’d stopped listening because I was worried about what might happen. I’d stopped focusing on the positive energy in the room and had transferred my focus to the potentially negative! I also realized that Jack’s great facilitation skills were just that—they were skills that he’d honed and practiced over the years, building on his extraordinary ability to listen and to genuinely find something of value in everyone he met or worked with.

For sure, Jack was a great mentor. And hundreds, if not thousands of meetings later, I’d like to believe that those early lessons helped me to hone my own skills and tune in to my fundamental belief that everyone does have something to offer; that every person we interact with is important in ways we might not always recognize; and that individuals around the world, really do want the same things: Respect, appreciation and friendship.

As a facilitator and as a trainer of others who want to learn or improve their facilitation skills, I’ve found that developing a positive, caring and appreciative attitude is essential to effective facilitation. Developing the accompanying skills is icing on the cake—something almost everyone can learn and apply in their pursuit of the Art of People.

Great Facilitation: It All Begins with Attitude

Think about the last time you were in a meeting that went well. How did you feel when it was over? Were you pleased with your own contributions? Did everyone have a chance to speak—and be heard? Were group conflicts or disagreements resolved constructively? Did the group arrive at a satisfactory outcome on time? Was the atmosphere relaxed, even if the issues on the table where challenging? If you answered yes to most of these questions, chances are the leader did a great job of facilitating the meeting.

And chances are, too, that facilitator cared about each and every person in the group—and the group as a whole. Caring about other people—and making sure each person is heard and valued—is fundamental to good facilitation. It is also one of the most difficult concepts to explain and help others to integrate into their work.

Over the years I’ve found that my own attitude about a group or particular individuals in a group can significantly influence both the process and outcomes of the meeting. In the early days of my work, I frequently worried well before the meeting that some individuals be “difficult”. I thought they might ask inappropriate questions, take the group off topic, take too long to make their points, argue for the sake of arguing, express negative or cynical attitudes or worse! Often with great anxiety, I would prepare for the meeting with an eye on those one or two people who I thought could be “trouble.” I could work myself up into quite a state, so much so that when the meeting actually began, I’d find myself focused more those individuals than anyone else. By the end of the meeting, I was utterly exhausted and I often felt people left the room dissatisfied, even if the group had achieved a useful outcome.

Then one day, I saw my friend and colleague, Jack, run a meeting. Almost effortlessly, Jack took us through the agenda, making sure everyone had a chance to speak, looking at each person with kindness when they spoke, summarizing as we went along, offering supportive comments to give us a mental break when the going got tough, smiling when we arrived at consensus and thanking each person, no matter how intelligible or otherwise their contributions! I’d never seen anything quite like it—nor had I ever left a meeting feeling so personally empowered to do my work after the meeting!

Later, when I asked Jack how he’d “learned” to facilitate like that, he simply smiled and said, “What’s to learn? I love people. I look at them and know we all want the same things: we don’t want to have our time wasted sitting in boring meetings. We want to be liked. We want to be valued. And especially in a meeting, we want to be respected. We also want to have fun, if given half a chance! I just do what comes naturally.” He made it sound so, so easy. I asked him how he dealt with “difficult” people. He threw his head back and just laughed, “Hey, we’re all difficult at one time or another! That’s human nature too. You just gotta accept it and go with the flow! There is always a way to find value in what people say.”

What a concept: that every contribution to a meeting has value!

Certainly that conversation was one of the most important of my career. Like Jack, I shared a passion for other people, but in those early days I realized that I’d sometimes let my concerns override my sense of caring—and my joy of working with others. In some ways, I’d stopped listening because I was worried about what might happen. I’d stopped focusing on the positive energy in the room and had transferred my focus to the potentially negative! I also realized that Jack’s great facilitation skills were just that—they were skills that he’d honed and practiced over the years, building on his extraordinary ability to listen and to genuinely find something of value in everyone he met or worked with.

For sure, Jack was a great mentor. And hundreds, if not thousands of meetings later, I’d like to believe that those early lessons helped me to hone my own skills and tune in to my fundamental belief that everyone does have something to offer; that every person we interact with is important in ways we might not always recognize; and that individuals around the world, really do want the same things: Respect, appreciation and friendship.

As a facilitator and as a trainer of others who want to learn or improve their facilitation skills, I’ve found that developing a positive, caring and appreciative attitude is essential to effective facilitation. Developing the accompanying skills is icing on the cake—something almost everyone can learn and apply in their pursuit of the Art of People.